Beautyshop Review: the worst manicure ever

What do we want from a salon manicure? Pretty nails? Those aren't hard to find. I've tried all manners of nail services, from nail art in tiny bugis stalls to scented flower luxury pedicures with velvet-backed couches, and I know that pretty nails are pretty much available anywhere. But pretty nails are not the point of manicures. Because I'm looking at my hands now, newly fuschia-ed and shining and presentable, but that's not enough to make me feel manicured.

The nail parlour being charged for Dissatisfactory Service is Nail Palace at the heartlander's mall near a certain university in the west. I had seen enough friends getting manicures during lunch breaks to delay my turn any longer. It is a rather decent shop,with 24 osim-ish chairs for pedicures, a pink theme, more than 2 whole sets of OPI nail varnish, hand and foot dryers, manicurists in uniform and nametag, and whatever is superficially important in a salon.

But oh dear me.

It started when my manicurist kept pushing me to get the full manicure over the express, because apparently my cuticles were in her way. Then there were casual but still tolerable nosy questions, such as whether I'd gotten a full pedicure before, and where, and where do I study, and am I shy? I was a little miffed that she kept laughing at my Chinese, but I just swallowed it. I even forgave her enough to buy a future pedicure-manicure appointment. But then. While my nails dried, she whipped out a scrap of paper and scribbled out the details of their promotional package deal, the way car dealers negotiate down payments. And behold, there came an onslaught of insurance agent tactics as i have never seen in any place that professes to pamper. But I wasn't born stubborn for nothing. I gave her a multitude of sound reasons why I didn't want to pay $380 at one shot for a package deal (most of all because I don't even want to return, but I was nice enough not to say it). She responded with a multitude of pouts and counter-questions. It was like a martial arts scene except that my hands were trapped under the nail dryer. The most memorable line my manicurist used was, "You should practice your Chinese more, it's really terrible!" Gee, how motivating. Finally I silenced her with "it's ok, if i just keep coming and paying for separate manicures, won't you make more money?"

The boss came round as she finalised the receipt. When she heard that her employee hadn't managed to convince me to buy their package deal, she turned on me with large eyes of determination. I cut her off by taking my wallet out and paying quickly.
So now I have one more pedicure and manicure to endure. Does anybody want it as a birthday present? Because I would rather pay more and go to Strip any given day and bask in the satisfactory and luxurious silence of a true manicure.

-genevieve